The Girls Who Went Away

The Girls Who Went Away – Ann Fessler

The subtitle of The Girls Who Went Away is something like “The hidden history of women who surrendered their children for adoption in the decades before Roe v. Wade.” This book is a collection of oral histories of women who had no choice but to surrender their children for adoption because of the social mores during the 1950s and 60s. Most of the women who were interviewed were in their teens or early twenties when they became pregnant, and for one reason or another, marriage was not an option, so the girls “went away,” as the title suggests. Most of them went to maternity homes (I can’t remember the exact term) where they spent the last few months of their pregnancy until they went into labor. Some lived with family members in another state, and some were sent away to families who were willing to host pregnant girls. Wherever they went, they were not allowed to stay home because in the era of the mobile middle class, unmarried mothers were a significant blight on the reputation of a family.

Certain aspects of the book were rather shocking. It was disturbing to see how unsupportive families were of daughters who found themselves “in trouble,” and how the girl was always held accountable, while nothing ever happened to the boy and his family. Multiple times, Fessler brings up the point that in trying to prevent society from being mean to their pregnant daughters, parents often treated them the exact way they did not want others to do. The other shocking aspect was the complete lack of information. The 50s and 60s were an entire different time than the 90s and 2000s in which I grew up, but I cannot fathom a time when a girl could get pregnant and not know what would happened during the birth process. Access to birth control and condoms was about as available as accurate information about sex. Overall, nobody talked about anything, and secrets were sometimes kept until family members died.

I thought this book was very well-written. A lifetime ago, I took a research methods class, so I know a little bit about what a good oral history is supposed to look like. The author provides her standpoint and perspective on the issue by disclosing her personal experience with being adopted and searching for her birth mother. She has strong research support about the era, and mixes her information with personal statements and stories from women who surrendered children for adoption. She admits that her study is limited by class and race, and speculates that it might be how she went about recruiting women to interview, and differences in relationships and socioeconomic standing. I think this book is great because it talks about an issue that most people never even think about. The only thing I would change about the book is the subtitle. The women interviewed were talking about their unacknowledged grief over being forced to surrender a child for adoption, not that they wished they could have had an abortion. Granted, with the passing of Roe v. Wade, public opinion on pregnancy shifted so that women had more options available to them, but the women interviewed did not want to lose their children. I don’t think Roe v. Wade was a determining factor in their stories. Excellently written, interesting topic, moving personal stories, highly recommended.