I Am Subject

I Am Subject – Diane DeBella

Women have a lot to offer and to learn by sharing their stories. Not the stories of how women are expected to be – those stories are repeated time and time again until they become a mindless repetition that numbs both the author and the subject. The stories women most need to share are the stories of their lives and struggling to cope with an unexpected reality. The experiences of women past are oddly reminiscent of the stories women continue to share amongst themselves today. Problems in the family contribute to problems in relationships, which all contribute to destructive coping mechanisms that may suffocate any possibility of recovery. One opportunity for breaking the cycle, though, is sharing stories to learn from the lives of other women. Part biography, part anthology, and mostly memoir, “I Am Subject” tells the story of the author that also happens to reflect bits and pieces (or entire segments) of the stories most other women share.

In “I Am Subject,” Diane DeBella integrates her story of being a woman with the stories and lives of women writers and also some of the students she has taught in her college writing courses. DeBella simultaneously explores and teaches how to make meaning out of adversity by learning from the experiences of others. She shares her own struggles and reflects on the similarities and differences between her life and the lives of other women writers and her students. Incorporating multiple perspectives emphasizes both the diversity and sameness of women’s experience, which builds solidarity while also respecting individuality. The range of experiences DeBella explores also allows women to connect to her story in multiple ways. DeBella honestly and painfully demonstrates the multi-faceted lives of women by integrating all these different pieces and perspectives. The overall effect creates a story of admission rather than confession, which is humbling in its vulnerability and liberating in its truth.

Perhaps my favorite thing about this book was the emphasis on personal narrative. Social work tends to pathologize human experience, but DeBella focuses on the story behind the problem, which needs unbelievable strength and courage to share so publicly. This book was hard to read at times for the way it related to my personal life, but because of that, it also had somewhat of a cleansing effect. When society would rather focus on the ideal image, taking the time to analyze difficulties, underlying motivations, and weaknesses offers acceptance and relief. Really, though, the best part about this book was the focus on personal story. It was a nice reminder that people can exist with difficulties without needing to label, diagnose, and prescribe because the fullness of human experience can never fit neatly into a box. Great book, I highly recommend it.